I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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