I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
