I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she peed on how many people?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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