I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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