ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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