No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
