Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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