Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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