I wish i was in the wii world.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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