Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Of course I have a pirate flag
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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