Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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