Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
