Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we made out on top of his cat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
