batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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