what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my being single is dangerous.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Randomize
