Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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