Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize