i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
