i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
