She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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