Cold hands, warm shart.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
