I want to make a zoo with you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
