You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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