i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
