My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
