Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
