Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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