a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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