video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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