Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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