so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
