i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
