hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i've created a new STD.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
