The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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