Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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