I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
