This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I AM VODKA MAN
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
