I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You ruined the universe
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
