Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
