I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
