That's when you crack a 10am beer
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
last night I used snow as a chaser
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
