This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
