you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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