I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
