Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
