you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
