I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
