So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
