coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
