At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Say something about gay babies.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
