how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize