Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
