I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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