If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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