honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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