My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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