Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize