You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your cock deserves a montage
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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