Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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