Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
