You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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