and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
