Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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