The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize