Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
