awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
