I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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