just come out here and I will go home with you...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
