Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
