I'm going to rape someone's good day.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
