some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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