I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
