I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
