Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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