what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
