omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your cock deserves a montage
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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