worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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