I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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