This is not my ceiling
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
