I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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