I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
