the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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