I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
