I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
