Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
