My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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