I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
