I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
