I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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