over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
