gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
