I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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