her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
