Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
