Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
