I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize