I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
