I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
