i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
