i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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