Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
