Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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