I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
