He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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