That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
