life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize