i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
