i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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