I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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