I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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