Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
