This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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