carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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