Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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