ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
