Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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