I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
